I have not been using my phone as much as I always did before this. Idk it's like I have no mood to talk to anyone and I'm at my hometown right now so I don't really want anything to ruin my mood especially if 'he' or whoever told me something about him that would make my heart break even more than it already is.
I'm just really sad. Sometimes I think people are intentionally taking him away from me, they're happy to see me sad. And that's just sad cause people would go so far to see me miserable. I can't even do anything about it.
I've been putting on a show, acting like I'm okay in front of everyone and telling them I'm fine when I'm far from fine. I miss being happy and I miss smiling or laughing. I still do those things but it's just that now, everytime after I'm done laughing, I would unintentionally remember back what happened and be sad again.
Sometimes I think positive things like I can finally focus on my studies and not worry about whether if I don't talk to him, would he go find someone else or not but now I don't have to care about that cause he already has someone else so I guess that just makes everything a little bit okay...? I don't know. Well, maybe we weren't meant to be together. I mean, we made a lot of great memories and we were so happy but now it's all just.. gone.
