2014 - When everything changed.
My last post was last year, the month of October. Now, it's already March 2014. A lot has happened. The most important thing is, Qayyum & I broke up.
We broke up last week, on Wednesday. It kind of sucks because the day before, we had so much fun & now, it's all gone. Everything, gone. I still can't believe it. I talk about him to Sabrina like we're still together but in reality, we're not anymore. Reality sucks. 2014 sucks.
It's a long story but we broke up because of our stupid ego. I regret it sometimes because we kind of broke up without any reason at all. We've broken up before, a lot of times, but we manage to settle it. But now, it's different. I hate it. I hate missing 2013. I hate missing the old him, the old us.
He says he still loves me but I don't know why he's like, confused. It's like he doesn't want me but he doesn't want to let me go. I, of course, still want him. I miss him. I miss everything. I wish it would all be back to normal & every morning I would wake up & get a text from him saying he misses me. I miss getting flowers, presents, sweet texts from him. I miss all that. I really do.
But, I have to forget him.. like he forgot me.
A few days after we broke up, he did things that made me sad, pissed off, angry, upset & depressed. He hurt me so bad & I can't stop thinking about it. We're okay & we text each other everyday like we used to, but I can never forget what he did. I have to forget all that. I have to move on. I have to forget him.
I gave all his stuff back to a friend of mine, to give it back to him. His note book full of my name, the perfume he gave me, the papers that has his name on them, the flowers he stole at school for me, the tissue paper that was written by me & him about wanting to get married, his name tag, a piece of paper that was written by me about us & the last thing he gave me, which was a toy that he played when he was a kid. All in one paper bag. I cried while putting all of it in there, remembering all the memories we shared, forced to forget all that, forget him, especially.
I have to accept reality; we won't be together anymore. Maybe we will, but not now. I have to accept that I have to forget him. I have to move on from him. He'll find someone better, one of his classmates this year, I guess, like he found me. He did the same thing to them, which hurt me a lot. I thought I was special to him, but I'm not. I have to accept that things aren't the same anymore. And it never will be.
depression sucks, being lonely sucks, everything about 2014 just, sucks.
