Lone Wolf

I have decided to write the whole post first before writing the title since it always has nothing to do with anything that I talk about so here it goes

I have always felt quite lonely. Not all the time but, mostly. I'm not alone, I have a lot of friends (sort of) and all but when it comes the time when we get together at an event organised by the school, I know I'd be the one left out. It has always been like that. I realised that numerous times and it kind of makes me sad.

I'm fine with being alone, I truly am. I don't depend much on people, I sometimes go out to the shopping mall and walk around alone while everyone else is with a partner or with a group. I don't feel sad when I walk alone but I do hope for someone to suddenly go to me and offer to accompany me just because. It would make me feel so happy and appreciated. But instead, nobody gives a damn.

I still remember the time when I was at school (oh yeah, I've graduated from high school, lol) during recess, everyone was with their group, eating, laughing, talking to each other and all that. I'm always with my bestfriend, Sabrina. Oh and, I do have a lot of bestfriends whom I talk to about almost everything. But, at school it's different. I mean, I know everyone, and they know me. We've talked to each other a few times and sometimes they would say 'hi' to me whenever we pass by each other. But, as the days go by, it just suddenly stops. Everyone just mind their own business and practically forgot I even existed.

There were quite a few times when I would walk alone to the canteen to buy food, each time I thought that they would actually look at me and have a conversation with me like old times but, it never happened. Until school ended. We just didn't talk to each other anymore.

It felt very lonely to walk alone in a place where everyone is your friend but it's like you don't exist to them. Once, I even helped them with their homework and taught them Mathematics but now, it's like those things never happened. Of course, I did attempt on making the first move to them. I really did. But, I ended up failing because I was too shy and insecure and I felt like I would just bother or annoy them. And that didn't make me feel good.

A lot of times I would want to join them when they're taking pictures of themselves in big groups. I really wanted to go to them and just be brave and fearless. But, it ended the way it always did, me looking at them having fun, making memories while I just stand there, hoping for the impossible to suddenly happen. Like a miracle or something.

We're still friends though, and that's more than enough I guess. I just hope that one day things change and I wouldn't feel this lonely again. But, I really doubt that would actually happen to me.

*I don't know who have been reading my blog posts (they're weird man, what are u doing here?) but still, I would like to say thank you. I don't know who all of you are but, thank you. Have a nice day :)