Words do bring me down

People assume bad things about me. Always. Sometimes i feel bad about myself. Because of them...

Hi. My name is Madihah. I've cried a lot. I laugh at times. I put a smile on my face everyday and go through life and try to survive it. Yes, that's me. Always have been me. Yup, me.

People say bad things about me. Stab my back and stuff like that. I act as if it was normal to me. Yes, it is normal. I try not to care too much. But yeah, of course it hurts. People judging but they don't know you at all. Yeah, everyone seems to be like that right now. I'm not surprised though. But it hurts. It hurts a lot. You can't even imagine.

Well, as for me, i'm not the type of person who can deal with it. I'll be pissed, of course. And i'll be sad. I'd probably blog about it. And talk about it often. It's sad, really. Sad people are just, sad. So... sad. Sad enough to make me want to slap them, ya know? Ha ha ha.

I'm one of those weak people who can't deal with anyone saying bad things about myself. I have low self esteem issues. And it burdens me. Sometimes i hate myself. I hate myself for not being a better person. I hate myself for not being good enough. I hate myself for hating myself. It's... sad.

Even my family sometimes hate me. I know they do. They might not show it but they act like it. Oh well...

Thanks for reading! 

xoxo

Sehidup Semati

Hello there strangers! So, how's it going? I'm okay. Dah baik dengan Andzar dah :D Hehe. So anyway, this entry is about me and Andzar's movie. Yeah, it's called Sehidup semati. Wanna know why it's called Sehidup Semati? Dramatic, huh? Haha. Well, let's start the movie first. It'll make sense when i tell you the whole story. So, here it goes!

Part 1
It was day time. I was alone in my room. Then, Andzar came to my house. We went to my room and sat on my bed. We talked and made jokes and stuff. And then, he said i was cute. I denied. He wanted to make me stop denying, so he threw a pillow at me. And then i threw it back at him. Then we played pillow fight with each other. And then, he threw the pillow so hard, i fell and cried. He comforted me and i stopped crying. We continued playing and then i fell and he caught me before i could fall. We continued playing again, and he threw so hard, i sulked. He comforted me, but i still sulked. He gave up, so he said he wanted to jump off the building. I stopped sulking and i said, "Kite terjun bangunan sama-sama." and then he said, "Kalau macam tu, kite pun mati dengan sayang jugak lah." Well, I didn't want him to die, and he didn't want me to die too, so we agreed not to jump off the building. Instead, he jumped on my bed. So, we didn't play pillow fight anymore. Instead, we jumped on my bed so many times together.

Part 2
It was on the evening. Andzar was playing football on the field with his teammates. I watched them as they played. I was the 'tukang refillkan air'. Haha. And then, it rained. Andzar stopped playing and came to talk to me. I said, "I love you" and threw water at him and i ran. Andzar chased me and caught me. He said, "I love you too baby" and threw water at me too. We both ran and chased each other while throwing water at each other. We were always together.

Part 3
We went out to spend time with each other. We went to a lot of places. And then, i made a somewhat movie. It was already in the cinemas. Andzar said, "Jom tengok sama-sama. Kita berdua je dalam panggung tu. Takde siapa kecuali kita.". Awwww :') Hihi. Soyeah, we watched it together. Just the two of us. When the movie ended, he carried me and got into a taxi and... stuff. Haha. K jangan fikir lain -.- I forgot what happened after that. Kbye.

Part 4
Shit. I forgot. NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Part 5
I. forgot. dammit. i. hate. my. short. term. memory. i. wanna. shoot. my. brain. and. hit. myself. on. the. head. please. just. please. oh. god. i. hate. myself. i'm sorry. bye.

Part 6
~COMMING SOON~

Hikhik. Sweet kan? :') So yeah, that's our movie. We made it ourself, ya know? We're awesome. Hihihi. So, the title is called Sehidup Semati because we always do things together. We spend time together. If he dies, i'll die too. If i die, he dies too. Btw, the title was given by Andzar. So yeah, there goes Sehidup Semati :)

Thanks for reading!

P/S : Please, just please, don't try to copy me. Don't try and make movies just because you see mine is sweet and you want to do it too. Yeah, i know i sound like i'm better or whatever. Just, please. Don't ruin this. I love our so-called movie. Sehidup Semati makes me happy. DON'T try to make me mad. K thanks. Bye.

xoxo

Us

Hi! So, what's up? How's life? Mine? Oh it's okay :)

So, yesterday as you all probably already know, i was merajuk with Andzar. Still merajuk btw. New record ; Being in a bad mood for 24 hours. Great, huh? No. Not great at all. I miss him. I miss him a lot. I miss my penguin :( Oh well...

Oh, wanna know why i called him my penguin? Well, you see, last month, (which is last year), we webcam-ed and chat with each other. He was using his brother's laptop. His brother's laptop is a Macbook. And, Apple products have these annoying autocorrects. So, i was talking about 'pengsan' which is faint. But when he typed 'pengsan', it didn't come out pengsan, suddenly it was penguin. He was really angry with those autocorrect things. I laughed a lot because of that penguin moment. And, since then, we talk about penguin and stuff like that. Cute, huh? Hikhik :>

Soyeah, i call him my penguin, and he calls me, his kucing :3 Ngeheheheheh oh god i miss him so much right now :c Oh, gotta go now! I'll continue later. Byebye :)

Thanks for reading!

Awesomely crazy

Name : Madihah binti Mohd Firdaus
Age : Currently 14
Date of birth : 14th August 1998
Born at : Kuala Lumpur
Siblings : 3
School : SMK Bukit Indah
Current phone : Blackberry Bold 1 (BB Pin ; 211B5892)
Ex's : Hafiz.

Current boyfriend : Al-Andzar bin Azmi ♥

Other things about me : I'm Awesomely Crazy. I love to cam whore. A lot. I love photography and taking pictures with my nikon dslr. I love Koko Krunch, macarons, cupcakes, nasi goreng cina, nasi kerabu, nasi kak wok and many more. I love to eat. I like to read. I love Twilight and Peter Pan. Big fan of Paramore, Bruno Mars, Dev, Pixie Lott, Christina Perri, Katy Perry, Foster The People, The Script, One Direction and much more. 

Sometimes i can be a bit hyper. Lompat sana lompat sini. Cakap banyak and stuff liddat. And sometimes i can be a bit emo and cry and feel like i just want to disappear. 

I'm a bit shy with people that i don't really know. Once i know that person a lot, i'll be hyper to them and annoying and sometimes even disturb them a lot. And sometimes i'll sing eventhough i know my voice is horrible and i'll shout my friend's name's in public in front of everyone. 

So, there goes me :)

With love, Madihah.

Page 22 of 366

Hey there peeps! So, how's it going? I've been good. Well, currently in a bit of a bad mood. Tengah touching dengan Andzar. Hah lol. That's normal. Kays.

Anyway, it's Chinese New Year! And, you know what? I have a looooot of homework that i haven't done. How exciting. Haha. But of course, maybe i'll do it tonight or something. I dunno. Eventually, i have to finish them all before school starts. Fun, huh? Pffts, not.

So, yesterday was Maiz's birthday. Maiz is my schoolmate and also one of my bestfriend's brother. Here's a shoutout to Maiz bin Zainal, HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY! Well yesterday i didn't get a chance to take a picture with him. Quite a busy guy eventhough he was the birthday boy. Weird. Haha.

I had fun at Maiz's birthday. It was at Mutiara condominium, by the swimming pool. There was a bbq there too. I went there with Farisah. At that time, not much people. After a few minutes, a bunch of guys came. A lot, ya know? Haha. They were Maiz's classmates and friends and etc. And then there was this time when all of Maiz's friends pushed Maiz into the swimming pool. I gossiped with Farisah and Myra and i went home at 11. Had lots of fun there! And of course, i texted with Andzar non stop :> He was so sweet yesterday :') K rindu dia *send text message* lol ok mengarut

So, that's all for now. I'll be blogging some more when my brain exploded and magically make me have an idea to write here. Cool kan? Ngeheheheh. Soyeah, byebye :)

With love, Madihah.

Page 17 of 366

Well hello there :) How's everyone? I'm fine. Yeah, everything's okay now :) I hope it'll be like that forever.

So, how was school? Mine was great :D Had a lot of fun and i laughed a lot today. On bm subject, my class went to the library. Me, Puteri, Sabrina, Alisya, Daniel and Mike sat in front of the public television. One of the PSS switched on the tv but we could only hear songs. It was kinda like a radio. Haha. We sang to some of the songs on the radio. Then, Mike brought his book, so all of us conteng-conteng lah, apalagi. Haha.

And then, Daniel was writing something on the book, then Sabrina touched his hair, Sabrina said it felt like touching a cat's fur. Alisya, Puteri and I felt his hair, and yeah, it was so soft, like a cat's fur. Weird, huh? Then Sabrina found one hair, she said it was gold in color. She pulled it out, and we looked at it closely, it was actually grey. lol. Then Mike said, "Daniel, you're oldddd" haha. Sabrina and Puteri was still touching Daniel's hair and they laughed about something, and then they pushed Daniel's head, like Daniel was being bullied. Then we all laughed hysterically! Haha.

All of us talked and made jokes and sang 'It will rain' by Bruno Mars. It was fun :D

After that, it was civic, the teacher told us to go to the Arts & Crafts' class. So, we went there. Alisya is a pengawas SPBT, so she had to do something at that time. So, Mike, Daniel, Sabrina, me and Puteri sat together at one table. We couldn't stop laughing! Yeah, had a lot of fun today :) I hope tomorrow will be like that too. Hihi.

Madihah.

Sometimes, i wish i was a better person, so that i won't feel like i'm not good enough for anyone.

But i can't change that. I'm just not good enough for anyone. No one deserves me. No one.

I'm tired of people finding my mistakes and say a lot of bad things about me. Yes, i'm not perfect. I know that. But, you're not perfect either. No one is. Have you forgotten about that? It surely looks like you did. Well, now you know. But it's too late now. It's too late.

You know, the things 'perfect' people talk about other people. It's mean. It's rude. And not to mention, it makes you look ugly. Stop with that attitude. I know what i did wrong. But you thought you were right all the time. Stop that. It's... stupid.

I know that all of that is in the past now. I live in the present right now. But sometimes i stop and think to myself that i am never good enough. Because of you. You made everything worse. Miss perfect person. Hah. Funny.

Well, it's good that you've made a somewhat contract. But it'll never change how i feel towards you. You look ugly because your attitude is ugly. It's so ugly. No one can even think you're pretty if you treat people like that. You should know that. Since you're older than me, you should've known that since the past few months. But, i guess you were too caught up in the fight, that you forgot what you should've done, and what you shouldn't have did.

Well, saying i'm stupid won't make you smart. Saying i look like a hippopotamus' bottom won't make you any prettier. Saying i'm pathetic won't make you any less pathetic than i am. Saying i'm a 'control queen' won't make you be someone who had never controlled anyone before. And much-much more.

I hope you're happy. i hope you're satisfied with all of those mean words you wrote about me. I hope you're happy that i wanted to kill myself in front of you. Oh wait, that was a looooong time ago. Now, i want to live life to the fullest. So yeah, sorry to ruin your happiness :)

Now i want to stop here and just say thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So much. Why? Because of you, i knew that there are guys out there like Hafiz. And, because of you, i know now that there are mean, rude, cruel and etc girls like YOU. Hoyeah, thank you a lot!

Chill dude, i'm not perli-ing you or whatever. I'm not mad anymore. I've moved on. That stupid fight, is nothing to me now. All of that, is in the past now. I can't do anything to change what happened that month. I can hate it, but i can't change it. That's life. I have to deal with it. And you have to deal with it too. As much as i hate it, i have to move on. And i have moved on. I'm relieved now. It's over. Everything is over. I just hope that things that happened that month won't happen again. Aminnn!

So yeah, have a wonderful year everyone! Live life to the fullest, it might surprise you ;) Make mistakes, and learn from them. That's life. Make sweet moments, and remember them forever. Assalamualaikum!

With love, Madihah.

Depressed

Hi. Currently crying right now. Heh. Long story. Well, I feel so sad right now. Yeah, it has something to do with him. Yes, Andzar. But, it's okay. I've gone through this once. So, i'm used to it now. I'm just angry, sad, devastated, depressed, upset, disappointed and much more. Mostly disappointed though. I just want to sleep, and never wake up. Literally. 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 

Well, this is going just good, huh? Pffts. You know what's better? That he doesn't know why i'm so sad right now! Hah, niceeeee. Thankyouverymuch. Yes, i'm still sad right now. Still sad. Uuuuu, greatttt. Just, great. 

Oh gosh, i'm so freaking tired right now. I just want to sleep. I'd throw my laptop if i could. I'd throw everything if i could, really. I just hate this moment right now. I hate this feeling. I hate that i have to feel this way towards him. I don't hate him. I just feel sooooo disappointed. Till i cried. How pathetic can i be? Hah. Funny. 

*3 minutes later

Okay so, i'm a bit okay right now. I guess. Ahaa, okay. It's just that, every word he says right makes me wanna cry. Weird, huh? Yes, it is weird. So weird. Heh.

okbye

The Story of us II

Hey there! So, i just wanted to write down (Or type? lol) how Andzar and I met. We've known each other since 2010. Crazy, huh? Haha.


I was at Tasnim's house at that time. Her house is at Bangi. We went to the park near her house. We sat on the slide, and on the grass beside the field where the guys played football, was him and his friends. Tasnim said she knew them. And then Andzar and Nazmi (his bestfriend) kept on looking at me. I felt weird since i didn't know them at all. lol funny. So, after that we left the park and i went back home. Then, Tasnim told me that Andzar liked me and whatsoever. And i was like, okayyyyy? Haha.


A few days after that, on the month of July, Andzar added me on facebook. Nazmi also added me too. Then we started chatting and all. But at that time, Andzar didn't like me anymore. And then, Andzar started to date someone. And she added me too. Hellyeah she's damn pretty! And she's so nice to me :D Hehe. And then, a lot of people from Bangi added me. And started to chat with me. But Andzar's girlfriend was the most nicest one to me :) And then some stuff happened. Andzar broke up with her, i was with Hafiz at that time. Then, on the month of October, after Hafiz and i broke up, Andzar and I started chatting. He asked for my number, so i gave it to him. We started to text and stuff. Weeks after that, he confessed that he likes me. I was shocked, of course. Then, weeks after that, he asked to be my boyfriend. I didn't accept him. I wasn't ready because of the whole break up thing. He was so upset when i didn't accept him, but he just stayed cool. And he never gave up. He kept on trying to make me his, for forever. How sweet :') Hihi


Days after that, i went to Ampang Point with Alkeef, and Andzar knew, he became so upset and pissed. I pujuk him and all, then he was okay. And then, Andzar and i continued texting and stuff. His friends added me on facebook, they kept on telling me to be in a relationship with him, and they always told me that he really likes me and he won't give up. I told them that i'm still not ready. But slowly, i got over Hafiz, cause i know he'll never be mine anymore. As i got over Hafiz, i started to like Andzar. He was so happy when he knew about that.


So, on 1st of January 2012, Andzar sent me a text that wrote :-


"Darling, since I saw you, I can't help thinking about you, I think I'm in love with you and I can't live without you. Would you be mine forever, Madihah? :) You are perfect for me. I love you, Madihah ♥"


Sweet kannnnn? :') I almost cried, seriously. I accepted him. And my heart kept on saying "Please don't make me regret this. Please don't make me regret this. Just, please don't." And now, he never fails to make me melt and i fell in love with him with his sweet words. Alhamdulillah :')


And so yeah, we text everyday and we've video chatted for 4 times already. Yeah, it was fun video chatting with him :> I couldn't stop smiling cause he kept on saying i look cute. Haha lol. And, i've heard him sing and yeah, he's quite good. Sometimes i melt when i hear his voice o_o Haha. Weird. And then, sometimes he would laugh about something so hard. I was shocked that he wasn't even embarrassed to laugh so hard in front of me like that. But yeah, his laughter makes me happy :) And sometimes when he smile, i melt a lot. Woohooo x) Oh and, sometimes, we would make up stories like a movie. And yeah, our so-called movie is so romantic and so sweet :'D We would imagine us throwing water at each other and running around the park together. Yeah, that's be nice if it came true. I hope it'll come true. Aminn! Oh and now we have reached 'Part 5'! The movie has parts now cause it's a different situation every part. Hellyeah it's awesome! YOU JELLY? STAY JELLY. lol no offence.

So, that's it i guess. Cheers to the new couple! Hehe :3 I'm thankful to have him being called mine. I really am :') I love him, hellyeah. Of course i do. I hope forever really means, forever. InsyaAllah, it will :)

Hugs & Kisses, Madihah.

Relationships

Hey there. I'm bored right now so i'll make an entry about relationships. Haha. Okay, i will begin now.

Being in a Relationship : So, i am currently in a relationship now. Yeah, it's been great and all. Of course being in a relationship is better than being single. Well, you know, you see single people saying how great being single is cause you don't have to use much many to pay to text that person and etc. You know what? That's not the real reason at all. That's just an excuse. And, it just shows that you're 'happy' being single but really, you're not.

Being in a relationship doesn't involve having to text your gf/bf till you're bankrupt or whatever. It simply gives you that feeling of being loved. And yeah, it felt good. Of course there will be fights and stuff, and it's up to you to lose the fight and show that you care enough that you don't want to lose the fight rather than the one you love.

Being single : I have experienced being single. And it was okay. You'll feel lonely and all. But yeah, it was okay. Well, sometimes being single gives you the chance to meet other people. You can compare every girl/guy and see which one is worth it. But, there's this one thing that you like being single. It's that you won't get hurt. I mean, when you have a bf/gf, you'll feel insecure. And when the guy/girl is teasing you, you'll feel much more insecure and then you'll feel like you're not worth it. And then you get hurt.

Oh, and not to think seeing your gf/bf talking to other girls/guys. There's a quote about it, "When a girl see her boyfriend talks to other girls, she'll feel insecure. Cause, to her eyes, every other girl is her enemy" And yeah, that quote is true. So very true. But anyway, being single means you won't get your heart broken. But it also makes you feel lonely.

I know i sound like i know everything. This is just from my perspective. And i know a lot of people will agree with me. It's a common thing. I have a boyfriend now, and it's been okay. I know we've been together for a just one week. But i have been in a relationship with someone for 6 months. And i cried a lot.

To all those guys out there ; Please, just please, take care of your girlfriend. And when a girl talks to you all of the sudden, and then your girl says she doesn't really mind, don't believe her. Go to those girls that talked weirdly at you, and just say "I'm sorry, i have a girlfriend now. Please don't disturb us. Thank you." Yeah, that's make your girlfriend feel much better.

Oh and guys, don't be stupid. Like the time when a girl is flirting with you or whatever, LEAVE HER ALONE. She's stupid. She needs to back off and YOU need to stay away from her. Do not, and i mean, DO NOT, flirt with other girls when you already have a girlfriend eventhough you were only joking. Seriously. That is not something you can joke about. Just, be smart. And, walk away.

Well, I was a fool back then. I gave too many chances. I never knew that those things would happen. And now i know. I'm smarter now. And i don't hope too much. Cause i know i'll get disappointed in the end. And yeah, it's normal. Being single and being in a relationship has its benefits, ups and downs, pros and cons and etc. You just have to make the best of it. Appreciate everything. Open a new chapter. Make sweet moments and remember it forever. And i'm sure, very sure, everything will be worth it.

With love, Madihah.

Chapter 2012 Page 1 of 366

Well hi :) So, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I hope this year will be okay. Yeah, i hope. So, anyways, enjoy your school holidays :D Or.. what's left of it. Haha. Oh and, today is the date when Andzar and i are a couple :') Yeah, i moved on. I had to. And i love him. A lot. Hehe :> Bye!

xoxo