We're over.

It's over. Yeah. Me and him, over. He said, "I just want to be single". And then I said, "You should've told me earlier", followed by some things we both said. Yes, he should've told me earlier. Not now. Why now? Oh, the excuses you gave me. Not to think the time when you skyped with another girl yesterday. Oh, the pain. Yes, the pain. I cried in front of my cousin and i hope she didn't see me. Qistina and Anyssa called me, they asked me if i'm okay. Well, i don't know really. I feel numb. My heart is crushed. The 6 months, gone. Just, gone. Should i slap you, or be happy for you? Hmmm..

Well, today was a bad day. I need to throw something.. at myself... and die... slowly... in front of him. I'm still in shock. Not even happy right now. The pain, will never go away. I, will never stop crying. He, will be happy. Without me. Well duh, he didn't talk to me for a month, he looks happy. And skyped with another girl. That shows that he doesn't need me. At all. I know, i should move on. How can i when we broke up just like THAT? Hm, so this is how heartbreak feels like. I hate myself. For loving him. For liking him in the first place. He didn't even call me. Nor skype with me. Nor see me facetoface. That's hurtful, really.

I don't know if i hate you or not. You sure are a jerk. And a douche, that's what you said ;) But for sure, i still love you. Why? Because you made me happy. I love people who makes me happy. But to you, i'm no one. A nobody. Just another girl you talk to. You don't even give a shit if i didn't talk to you. I care too much. And you care too little. Oh how i wish i could tell you all this right now. But yeah, you wouldn't even care :) Oh and, 

I miss you.

Goodbye.

Terrified

Hey. Sorry haven't post anything in a while. I was a bit busy. Anyways, this post is about our so-called 'relationship'. Well, he's changed. A lot. I've been crying everyday whenever i think about him. I miss the old him. A lot. Last week, we IM-ed on facebook. He said he miss me. How can i believe that when he didn't even say 'Hi' to me? He even forgot our 6 months Anniversary -.-

Well, i tried not to care much about that. But, i'm worried. Sad. And terrified. I'm in love and i'm terrified. Sometimes i get the feeling that it's going to be over. This month maybe. I don't know. But i want to meet him. I really do. But i feel like he doesn't even care anymore. I'm starting to doubt his feelings for me. We're still together. For now.

I guess i should see this coming. Nothing really lasts forever. Love lasts forever but i don't think he loves me anymore. I don't feel like he still needs me like before. I don't think he even misses me. Or even care if we didn't talk for 5 days. But yeah, we'll never know.

I talked to my friends. I talked to his friends, Abang Hazree, Fazli and Haikal. They all said the same thing, 'be patient'. I guess i should. I'm trying to. But, the pain still keeps haunting me. Making me cry, emo and stuff. Then, i would think about those 4 girls. Which adds up the pain and make me want to jump off a building -.- Kill myself so that i won't have to deal with the pain anymore, they say. I'm emo because i don't feel needed anymore. I feel nothing. Just, nothing. I should pray but i can't cause it's the time of the month -.-

Well then, he said he needed a break for a month. He wanted to focus on his studies. I'm just curious to how can he online facebook and not even talk to me? He wants a month. I guess i should give him one whole month then. Hmmm..

I feel disappointed, really. He didn't even make an a effort to talk to me. 5 months ago, before he changed, even if he was sick or tired or something, he would still text me. He would still talk to me. But now, heh. Takde mood lah, apalah. So many excuses. Then i saw he talked to another girl. Which leads to me crying till i fell asleep. That hurt. A lot. I was hurt badly and he doesn't even know about it. Yeah, i'm pathetic, i know. Once you're in my shoes, you'll know how bad it hurts.

Till then, ttyl.
Madihah.

Ramadhan month

Oh, it's the time of the year again! Bulan puasaaa :) It's been great. I've completed all my fasting days. But unfortunately, i'm gonna have my 'thing' next week so i'll have to replace one week to complete one month of Ramadhan with starving and stuff. This month was good. It was okay. I've been better though. Okay blaaaaank. Anyways, exam is near. Oh damn -.- I have to get ready which i really hate to do. My mom said if i get good results, i get to play my laptop everyday again. But if my results are bad, like last time, my laptop will be GONE. Oh how i love my life -.- Hm, my birthday is on this Sunday. I don't want to celebrate it. And if my parents tricked me and brought me to Bubba Gump and asked the waitors to sing to me, i would literally run away. Seriously, it's scary. I mean, people watching you and then at Bubba Gump, you have to SING ALONG. Which is NOT a pleasant birthday. I hope this month will be great. I'm trying to lessen my sins here and there. Pffts. Kbye.

Pretty Little Liars

Okay, the title had something to do with my former 'bestfriend', my boyfriend, and my petbrother and some people who yang 'terasa'. Okay so, i had a fight with Farisah, as most of you might know. Well, she dated my ex, stabbed my back, said bad things about me and whatsoever. As for my boyfriend, we're still okay. I guess. Well, it's a long story and i'm just too lazy to tell so whatever. And my petbrother, who wants to 'putus kawan' with me but NOT anyone else. JUST ME. Like, wth? I asked why, he didn't answer. The suspense is killing me -.- Anyway, so yeah, my life has gone haywire. Allah is testing me, i know. Saya redha jelah. Well, i fought with Farisah since last month, i think. She said things like, "Madihah sial" and "Kau gentle sakai doh" and shitcrapstuff, whatever. I'm trying to calm myself. Serious tak sangka weh -.- Heh, now i know she's NOT my TRUE friend. And, barubaru ni she wanted to 'baik balik' but when we pass each other, she didn't say a word. And so, i try to ignore and let it slide. But, whenever i think about it, i feel the urge to throw things. That's not normal. Well, not to me.

Kay Bee, Kelantan

So, i just got back from Kota Bharu, Kelantan. New Castle 8) Haha ok lameeee -.- Anyway, yeah i have news. My grandmother is sick. VERY sick. She's 92 and still strong. Yeah :) Panjang umur. Okay so, she got strokes. TWICE. She didn't remember anyone at all. She only remembered her children when they were little. But thank Allah she remembered everything now. Like seriously, it's a miracle :') And so, i heard that Pak Tan, my family's friend who helped a lot with my family, got sick. Yeah. He was diagnosed with Leptospirosis and also Hepatitis C. These kind of things made me want to be a Professor. Ya know like, finding out how to kill these sickness. My grandmother cried when she heard about Pak Tan. Pak Tan cried when he thought about my grandmother. Uncle Atan said that it's like they have a chemistry. They like, having mother-and-son relationship.

♥

Madihah, ILOVEYOU ♥ 
I like it when you say "I love you" cause it makes me feel loved. 
I like it when you smile, cause your smile brightens my day. 
I like it when you laugh, cause your laughter cheers me. 
I like it when you hug me, cause your hugs make me love you more. 
I like it when you kiss me, cause your kisses are magical. 
Because of you, i tak suka marah dah. 
Because of you, i tak mudah kalah. 
Because of you, i love myself more than ever. 
Because of you, i will never stay bored. 
Because of you, i experienced LOVE ♥ 


- Hafiz :')

Hospital

Hellohello :) Yeahhhh, i didn't go to school today. Demamz x) Okay so, yesterday i went to Prince Court Hospital to get an x-ray of my backbone. I went there with my mom. There were some blablablas. Waited at the waiting room and stuff. The nurses checked my height and how long my arms are to see if there were any difference. Turns out, i was supposed to be 162cm tall but then i became 154cm tall :/ So, took my x-ray and all. Went to see the doctor for backbone specialist. I saw the x-ray. I became worried, scared, sad and stuff. Then the doctor said some things. I almost cried. Maybe i had to go and do surgery and all :/ Then it was done, my mom and i waited at the waiting room with some peeps who i don't know. After a while, i hid my face and started crying. Yeahhhhhh, i cried. Infront of a lot of people. My mom said everything's gonna be okay and other people are more unfortunate than me and stuff. Then we went to Coffee Bean. I felt better for a while. Kakak and Ayah called me and all. So, whatevs :/

Kbhai xxx mwamwa :*